London_20060304_1429

26 July, 2005

Damn Canadians - at it again!

In all this current anti-US, anti-UK mayhem one crucial world oppressor has been overlooked and left to do their own acts of aggression outside of the sphere of media interest.
It seems Canada has decided to declare an act of war on the sovereignty of Denmark (Scandinavia, Northern Europe in case you're a Yank) by entering Danish territory in Greenland unannounced. The Canadians were probably hoping no one was paying attention so they could annexe Hans Island under the noses of international law.
"We consider Hans Island to be part of Danish territory and will therefore hand over a complaint about the Canadian minister's unannounced visit," head of the department of International Public Law at Denmark's Foreign Ministry, Peter Taksoe-Jensen, told Reuters.
The dispute seems to have started in the early seventies, when borders between the alcoholic Canadians and the alcoholic Eskimos were drawn up. According to the BBC, "in 1984 a Danish minister, Tom Hoeyem, caused a stir when he visited the island and raised the Danish flag. Mr Hoeyem also buried a bottle of brandy at the base of the flagpole and left a note saying welcome to Denmark".
How much more proof of sovereignty do you need? A flag and a bottle of brandy (no doubt pinched by the locals after Mr. Hoeyem's departure and finished that very night).
So what does the Canadians do?
Put up a flag and leave a bottle of whiskey. Not exactly class, and not exactly original. Why are they interested in Hans Island? Considering it is roughly 100 metres wide, there's no maple trees growing there, and no one finishes a sentence with 'Eh', it would seem an odd place to conquer. Maybe they've found out that Eskimos with no prior training are better at hockey than any Canadian national and want to ensure the Canadian teams stay competitive? Considering all great hockey players in Canada are Swedish, Finnish or Czech this doesn't seem like an unlikely motive.
In either case, I sincerely hope that Denmark declare war on those 'Strange Brew' guzzling, maple syrup slobbing no-good poor excuses for Americans. Then we'll see. Vikings discovered North America half a millennium before a certain Portuguese explorer even came close, and that was done in small wooden longboats, not fancy frigates of the 15th century. Furthermore, instead of enslaving the local population and raping all their natural resources, the Vikings simply traded and built a few temporary camps. Should Canada fail to acknowledge what is essentially Denmark, I will certainly don my horned helmet, two handed axe and jar of warm mead and personally sail across the seas for revenge.
I bet the French Canadians are responsible, some how. I have no proof, but I feel it in my Nordic gut. Vikings laid siege to Paris for several months too, you know.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4715245.stm

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We need to find this free Brandy!and fast!

+buy/brew cheap brandy and bury it around London...as the saying goes: if it worked for the vikings it might work for us (?)
prof.

9:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting article. Why don't they just split the island down the middle? Problem solved. (Joep)

11:45 am  
Blogger tseuq said...

Where's the fun in that, Joep?
Danes don't share, they keep.

Prof - great idea, when do we start?

2:04 pm  
Blogger tseuq said...

OK JOEP !
I take it back. Danes DO share, but only beer. I think it is because Denmark has the best beer in the world (probably), so they don't mind sharing that.
But a 100m wide island off the coast of Greenland is a completely different matter!

5:59 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess a war between Denmark and Canada would the lowest scale war imaginable. I was wondering what kind of plans Denmark has in case someone plans to annex Greenland. There is no way the (no doubt very capable) small Danish army could do anything about it. Do you know? (Joep)

5:29 pm  

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