I know a girl called 'Pam

Life isn't all sex drugs and rock and roll. I've engaged in activities that, apart from the fact they al involve drug-taking, have had absolutely nothing to do with sex or rock and roll. Last night I took Scunthorpe into the First Division, had three valium's, an uneven number of joints and went to bed dreaming of the Finnish transfer market. Woke up, late, with gunk covering my eyes and a 'zepam haze covering my mind. Manage to druggedly drag myself out of bed and into some clothes on autopilot, not even bothering anymore to check for unwanted body odours. Not that it would have mattered; today's deodorants can cover most tracks. So now here I am at work,, barely able to speak and definitely not intending to. Can't wait until 5.30pm when I can do it all over again.
Today's main plan of action must be as follows:
I will continuously call support services and ask them where the number nine is on my telephone key-pad.